Beyond EAPs: Creating Cultures That Retain and Engage Employees - Recording
Join us in our latest event, "Beyond EAPs: Creating Cultures that Retain and Engage Employees," where we delve into the evolution and origins of Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) and explore the latest trends in fostering healthy, engaged workplaces. The session starts with a regulation activity: Emotional Freedom Technique or "tapping". This session offers practical insights and strategies to create a supportive and dynamic work culture that goes beyond traditional EAPs, ensuring your employees are not only retained but also deeply engaged and motivated. We learn and practice Nonviolent Communication with workplace examples.
01:11 Regulation activity: Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) - "Tapping"
07:56 Background and shortcomings of EAPs
12:25 Happiest work countries in the world - what are the trends?
17:24 How to create cultures that retain and engage employees
31:50 NonViolent Communication skill building
45:22 Resources and offerings from Tend Collective
Resources (mentioned in the live event):
Emotional Freedom Technique, “tapping”
Our past webinar: Transforming from Coercion to Consent-Based Work Cultures
Book recommendation: What Every Body is Saying by Joe Navarro
Book: NonViolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships
Coursera course recommendation: Inspiring Leadership through Emotional Intelligence
To learn more about working with Tend Collective, see our Services Overview.
Transcript:
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Alison Cebulla: Alright. So
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Alison Cebulla: I'm realizing I'm like, I hope this records, I don't know how much space I have on the cloud. Hopefully, it's fine.
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Alison Cebulla: Okay, so today, we're gonna talk about how to take care of people at work beyond just employee assistance programs. So creating cultures that retain and engage employees.
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Alison Cebulla: So thanks for being here.
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Alison Cebulla: And so we'll start with a regulation activity that I really like.
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Alison Cebulla: and then we'll talk a little bit about the origin of eaps,
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Alison Cebulla: trends in healthy workplaces and employee management helping employees feel better, feel more engaged. Stay longer, and we will learn and practice nonviolent communication.
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Alison Cebulla: which, even if you've done it before, it's always nice to be able to practice it again. And I'm a big fan of embodied learning. So it's not enough to just
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Alison Cebulla: view something or learn something. We have to practice it. We kind of have to practice it over and over before becomes something that we just are able are able to do
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Alison Cebulla: what you know, especially in times of of stress, that it's just in there, and we practiced it enough.
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Alison Cebulla: So that's what we'll do today.
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Alison Cebulla: So this is one of my favorite tools that I've learned. And how many of you have done this one do. You could do the the raise hand. You've done it. Lauren. Okay, cool.
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Alison Cebulla: So the 1st step on the emotional freedom technique or tapping is to go ahead and wherever you are you can kind of
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Alison Cebulla: sit up straight, you know. Roll your shoulders back. You can close your eyes if you want.
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Alison Cebulla: and just think about
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Alison Cebulla: some sort of physical symptom you're having that feels painful or uncomfortable.
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Alison Cebulla: Or maybe it's something really painful that's emotional. Pick something. And notice it
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Alison Cebulla: could be a headache or a body ache.
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Alison Cebulla: Okay? And now, from a scale of one to 10 with one is the lowest and 10 is the most. How intense is that sensation of discomfort
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Alison Cebulla: and put a number on it.
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Alison Cebulla: Okay, keep that number in mind.
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Alison Cebulla: And now, with the way that we start, and you can just follow along. So you're gonna want to copy the movements that I do with your own, with your own body and your own. We're gonna use our hands to tap different places, feel free to keep your camera on or turn it off your choice. So
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Alison Cebulla: first, st you'll find this spot here on your chest, where it feels kind of soft and sensitive.
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Alison Cebulla: and you'll just press there and do a little circle.
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Alison Cebulla: and you'll say to yourself, even though I'm having this pain in this area that I've identified.
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Alison Cebulla: I deeply and completely accept myself.
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Alison Cebulla: and so go ahead and say that to yourself. While while doing this 3 times.
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Alison Cebulla: even though I'm feeling this pain.
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Alison Cebulla: this area, the specific pain. I deeply and completely accept myself.
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Alison Cebulla: Okay, now follow along. We're going to tap on all these places.
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Alison Cebulla: This is one where you take your hands and tap here
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Alison Cebulla: and now there's 1 where you kind of put pressure on all of your on the edges of your fingernails
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Alison Cebulla: feels pretty good. It's like a little self massage.
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Alison Cebulla: There's this place between your pinky and your ring finger that you'll press.
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Alison Cebulla: can tap the top of your head
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Alison Cebulla: and repeat your your mantra.
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Alison Cebulla: and we're going to go through it one more time, and this time notice if anything else comes up like.
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Alison Cebulla: Wow, I noticed that I'm also feeling
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Alison Cebulla: this slightly similar thing or this thought came up related to my pain like, Wow, I'm feeling really embarrassed
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Alison Cebulla: about where I am in my life, or that awkward thing I said today, or the fact that I didn't get as much done. Notice if anything comes up, especially around shame or any negative emotions where you're holding yourself accountable in a negative way. And so we're gonna start here again. And so if you notice something else like, Wow, I'm really
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Alison Cebulla: hard on myself for
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Alison Cebulla: my imperfections.
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Alison Cebulla: Then you would want to say here again, even though I'm really hard on myself for my imperfections, I deeply and completely
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Alison Cebulla: except myself.
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Alison Cebulla: even though I'm really hard on myself for all of my imperfections, I deeply and completely accept myself. And so, whatever one that you needed, you can use the original one. But maybe you need another one. Go ahead and say that to yourself 3 times.
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Alison Cebulla: Okay, and we'll try it again. Just follow along.
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Alison Cebulla: Think there's 1 here. I forgot
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Alison Cebulla: fingernails
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Alison Cebulla: top of the head.
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Alison Cebulla: and then there's also a part where you move your eyes from side to side.
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Alison Cebulla: and you can count to 4, one
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Alison Cebulla: to
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Alison Cebulla: 3
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Alison Cebulla: for. And while doing this you can also.
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Alison Cebulla: The practice teaches you to hum hum a song, so you could do like happy birthday to you. And this is supposed to simulate both sides of the brain
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Alison Cebulla: trap.
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Alison Cebulla: So that's the basic practice. So go ahead and take a couple of deep breaths and check in with your original pane
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Alison Cebulla: and notice if it feels any different.
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Alison Cebulla: and rate it again on the scale of one to 10.
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Alison Cebulla: So for me, I had originally rated mine as 7, and I would put it out of 5. Now.
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Alison Cebulla: did that happen for anyone else?
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Alison Cebulla: I saw a head nod go ahead and share in the chat. Okay? 7 to 5. Amazing. Yeah, it's I don't.
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Alison Cebulla: It's amazing. But it really works. Yeah.
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Alison Cebulla: so great.
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Alison Cebulla: yeah, it's it's an amazing tool. I think it's just the power of giving ourselves some some love and some healing attention. And it's remarkable that we have all these tools available. And then sometimes, you know, we just get so busy that we forget about them. So that that's cool that we both had the same exact thing, Lauren, from 7 to 5. That's amazing. Welcome, Danielle.
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Alison Cebulla: Okay, so
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Alison Cebulla: the employee assistance program and go ahead. If you're you know, if you have this is taking up your full screen like, pull up your chat because I'm gonna have some chat questions throughout.
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Alison Cebulla: So
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Alison Cebulla: this is usually like a voluntarily work-based
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Alison Cebulla: program that offers free and confidential assessments. Short term counseling referrals follow up services.
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Alison Cebulla: and
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Alison Cebulla: they address things like mental and emotional health, alcohol and substance abuse. Actually, while I was researching Ap's, I learned that that was actually the origin of vips was that employees were having issues with alcoholism.
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Alison Cebulla: And so that was why the 1st eap was was implemented to help employees with that.
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Alison Cebulla: So, but it could also be something like grief.
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Alison Cebulla: so
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Alison Cebulla: that's kind of
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Alison Cebulla: the origin.
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Alison Cebulla: So I'm just curious if and if you don't want to share, you don't have to. But who here is has utilized an eap somewhere you've worked, and what?
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Alison Cebulla: How'd it go for you? What do you think?
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Alison Cebulla: Go ahead and share in the chat, if you if you want to. How did how did that feel? How did that go
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Alison Cebulla: so for me. I did use an eap program at my last job.
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Alison Cebulla: and I thought the quality of the therapy was pretty low.
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Alison Cebulla: I don't know that the eap programs are attracting the most ambitious and most talented and most amazing therapists they, my assumption is that's not a position that pays super well.
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Alison Cebulla: And so I often felt somewhat belittled
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Alison Cebulla: by the therapist I was appointed, and that she didn't really understand what I needed or what I was going through, and it felt like a waste of time. To me that was my experience.
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Alison Cebulla: And I wasn't. It seemed like a stopgap for a larger problem that I was having.
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Alison Cebulla: that's awesome, Kyle, that's great.
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Alison Cebulla: And you know what I think it can really help people who are in an emergency to really, you know, connect with someone right away, I think, depending on the problem.
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Alison Cebulla: that it may not be enough. Yeah.
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Alison Cebulla: okay, amazing. So
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Alison Cebulla: we have a comment. When we got feedback from employees at a previous job we found that the process was difficult. The therapy wasn't high quality, and it was very difficult to find a therapist of color. Okay, great, great to know. And I'll read the other one. Washington State has an eap which provides a fairly comprehensive suite of services. The legal assistance is limited at best. But you do get someone on the phone, which is a blessing when you're struggling to get traction. Yeah, okay, great good to know.
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Alison Cebulla: I found this piece
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Alison Cebulla: from 2022 and Forbes. Why, most employees assistance programs don't work
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Alison Cebulla: and so they blame the stigma of being known to have mental health issues. But think we, I don't know. I have a feeling that it may be something else, and you let me know in the chat. If you agree.
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Alison Cebulla: if your workplace is the cause of your mental health issues, how is an eap going to help?
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Alison Cebulla: What do you all think
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Alison Cebulla: is that legit?
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Alison Cebulla: So you know, so many, and not everyone who registered is is American
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Alison Cebulla: But
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Alison Cebulla: in the Us.
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Alison Cebulla: Workplaces right now are a huge cause
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Alison Cebulla: of stress and mental health issues.
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Alison Cebulla: So then, you know, referring someone to an eap where you get, maybe I mean, for example, in mine, I got 3 sessions.
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Alison Cebulla: But the problem was the workplace itself.
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Alison Cebulla: This was.
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Alison Cebulla: I mean, it wasn't even a Band-aid like there, I was like. But this isn't helping this isn't. This isn't fixing the issue that you're literally causing.
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Alison Cebulla: So
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Alison Cebulla: okay, a comment says, the Eaps are also typically barred from commenting on workplace issues with those complaints being forced through either a union grievance process or outside agency, like the eeoc, yeah, or Nlrb, another comment says, this is a hundred percent. How I feel about eaps. Okay, great, we're on the same page. Okay.
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Alison Cebulla: so I found a report from this kind of website that I I don't know that many of us look at it's called Insider Monkey. And it's a trading website, and they have some interesting data articles. So I'd found this one Yahoo news links back to these reports a lot of times. So the 10 countries with the happiest
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Alison Cebulla: workers in the world, and I don't know. I would take these with a grain of salt. But I I found it interesting. I've highlighted a couple, and I just wanna see if we, if we see some trends here.
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Alison Cebulla: so annual leave of 32 days
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Alison Cebulla: for New Zealand.
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Alison Cebulla: the the happiest workers.
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Alison Cebulla: so in Norway, which is number 2, only 1% of employees work very long hours
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Alison Cebulla: and they dedicate. And this was tough for me. I was trying to do the math in my head. I was like 15.7 h to personal care and leisure. I was like, does that make sense? But either way, basically, what it's saying is, they're not working super long hours.
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Alison Cebulla: So number 3 is Australia.
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Alison Cebulla: yeah, that one's not super helpful. Number 4.
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Alison Cebulla: also not super helpful.
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Alison Cebulla: Okay, this one was saying that after they moved remote, that they ended up with a a better work-life balance. And we're happier.
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Alison Cebulla: Netherlands, number 6
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Alison Cebulla: is known for its exceptional work-life balance, with only point 3% of employees dedicating very long hours to paid work.
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Alison Cebulla: So they dedicate
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Alison Cebulla: 64% of their day for personal care and leisure. And so.
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Alison Cebulla: okay, I'm seeing a comma eap is legal and mental health. Yeah, definitely. Yes, I mean, I don't know about legal. So
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Alison Cebulla: it's meant to help employees with acute mental health issues.
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Alison Cebulla: and often is like sort of a catch-all, you know, like, oh, you're having a problem. Here is this, here's an employee assistance program we put together.
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Alison Cebulla: So I used to work in the Netherlands, and what I noticed was that people did not work over time. People left right it
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Alison Cebulla: right at 5. And also there was
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Alison Cebulla: a social atmosphere like we would all eat lunch together, actually the workplace that I was in provided sandwiches to everybody at lunchtime, and we would all sit together and talk, and then, after work. Someone would come around and like, get everyone together, and then we would all hop on our bicycles and bicycle back into town together while talking
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Alison Cebulla: right at 5. No one stayed late, and it wasn't glorified to stay late.
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Alison Cebulla: And so, you know some of these.
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Alison Cebulla: So some of these listings didn't have really good information, but I just found it curious that there were at least 3 of them that mentioned.
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Alison Cebulla: and I put here on this slide. What trends. Are we seeing? What did? What did they mention? What? What is the trend we're seeing?
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Alison Cebulla: Essentially that they're not. They're not working so much. They
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Alison Cebulla: They have enough time off they get to leave work, leave work is not their life.
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Alison Cebulla: And there, you know, I think it was a list of of 30 places overall and in. And you can see
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Alison Cebulla: the link. I put it in here. So for later you can review it. But I would say, overall the countries that had the most generous paid time off.
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Alison Cebulla: and the best work-life balance were the happiest overall.
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Alison Cebulla: The Us. Was on the top 30 list, but it was at like near the bottom.
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Alison Cebulla: and so I don't know if you guys
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Alison Cebulla: know this
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Alison Cebulla: but there was
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Alison Cebulla: a report that came out in 2023 work stressors are a leading cause of chronic illness.
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Alison Cebulla: contributing to burnout depression.
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Alison Cebulla: muscular low skeletal disorders, workplace injuries, diabetes, obesity hypertension and cardiovascular diseases, and there are more than 120,000 deaths caused by work stress every year making it the 5th leading cause of death.
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Alison Cebulla: So it's a real, it's actually a real problem.
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Alison Cebulla: So
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Alison Cebulla: this was a slide that I had in a previous deck that I wanted to include, because so many folks who are engaging with us work in social services. So you know. But this has implications for the people that we're serving as well. So when we're stressed. Then we give
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Alison Cebulla: less high quality care to the people that we serve.
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Alison Cebulla: So
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Alison Cebulla: the number one thing, and I. I looked at a lot of different studies and articles. The thing is, most people in America and I I can't speak for every country, but there's probably some trends there.
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Alison Cebulla: Most people are not making enough money
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Alison Cebulla: to just not be stressed all the time.
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Alison Cebulla: So that's a huge elephant in the room that I think sometimes we don't talk about when we talk about improving worker health.
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Alison Cebulla: So a 2,023 survey highlighted that 78% of Americans live paycheck to paycheck, which was a 6% increase from 2022.
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Alison Cebulla: That's really stressful.
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Alison Cebulla: That's really stressful
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Alison Cebulla: to
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Alison Cebulla: live in a home
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Alison Cebulla: where you if your car breaks down or something goes wrong.
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Alison Cebulla: You know, you're in a crisis.
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Alison Cebulla: And that's a really, really high percent.
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Alison Cebulla: And so we're gonna talk about today is kind of the cherry on top. Well, what are you? What do you?
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Alison Cebulla: What do you do, anyway?
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Alison Cebulla: But this is the big elephant in the room. Is that most workers in America actually need to be paid more
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Alison Cebulla: and so higher pay and more paid to him off are gonna be the biggest, the biggest factors that increase worker engagement worker. Well, being workers staying at a workplace.
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Alison Cebulla: So you know, when I look back and think about all the different jobs that I have left over the years it was usually pay. It was
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Alison Cebulla: So
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Alison Cebulla: that's important to keep in mind.
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Alison Cebulla: This is not an option for every organization I know, you know, different organizations have different budgets.
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Alison Cebulla: there's a lot of strain on social services agencies. So you know, it's just not always. It's just not always something that's feasible.
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Alison Cebulla: So you know, when it comes to that, like, what else can we do? You've taken my other workshops, or or courses or support groups. You've heard me refer to the work of Victor Frankel, who wrote man's search for meaning.
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Alison Cebulla: Victor Frankel's a a holocaust survivor, and man's search for meaning is one of the most profound and meaningful books I have ever read, and I highly recommend reading it.
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Alison Cebulla: and so he basically set out to look at and explain, you know, for the people who were with him in the concentration camps.
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Alison Cebulla: given just how much despair there was, and hopelessness, who was able to find meaning even among one of the most horrific situations you know humanity has ever faced. So how did people get through this? Even though there was so much despair. And I think when it comes to being a worker in the United States right now, and realizing that
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Alison Cebulla: 8 out of 10 people in America
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Alison Cebulla: are, you know, one emergency away from just
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Alison Cebulla: completely drowning.
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Alison Cebulla: This is this is really despair inducing. This is really, really intense.
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Alison Cebulla: So I think that in these types of times we have to dig deep and say, Okay.
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Alison Cebulla: I can't. I know I can't change the whole work environment. I know I can't wave a magic wand and pay everyone more, and I am trying. But there's only so much I can do.
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Alison Cebulla: So what else?
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Alison Cebulla: What else can we do? What can. What do I have control over?
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Alison Cebulla: So some quotes from this book.
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Alison Cebulla: Everything can be taken from a man but one thing, the last of the human freedoms, to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.
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Alison Cebulla: When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
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Alison Cebulla: and those who have a why to live can bear with almost any how.
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Alison Cebulla: So
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Alison Cebulla: I touch on these a lot in certain dark times dark experiences that I may be going through, or especially when I'm trying to hold space
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Alison Cebulla: for how bleak things have gotten for most workers in America.
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Alison Cebulla: because we can have control over our why. And that includes being really present with each other, holding space for how we feel and caring about each other. And that's the mission at 10 collective is, how can we create a caring society with caring workplaces? Where we tap into that? Why, and for us that why is that? Why I care about other people? And I'm gonna keep showing up for them.
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Alison Cebulla: We have a comment workers. We need more time off and money to survive this hellscape or dying capital. Okay, that sucks for you, I guess. Yup, that's pretty much it.
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Alison Cebulla: So treating employees well, goes a long way.
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Alison Cebulla: So think of a time. You maybe didn't have the best pay
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Alison Cebulla: that you had, a great team culture and a great boss, or something else that really helped and go ahead and share in the chat what was so good about it? And how did it help? And how did you feel
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Alison Cebulla: feel free to put that. Okay.
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Alison Cebulla: what's this great boss? Great culture thing you speak of is that allowed that? Okay? And that is very unfortunate that you've never had that.
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Alison Cebulla: I can think of quite a number of examples where the pay was low, but we had a great mission.
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Alison Cebulla: you know I had a job
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Alison Cebulla: once where I was working just part time doing marine protected areas, evaluations. So I was walking along the beach with the clipboard and training volunteers how to collect data so that it could be evaluated by the State to see if the marine protected areas was protecting our marine areas.
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Alison Cebulla: And it didn't pay a lot, and it was just part time. But the job itself was really nice because I was outside, and I get to walk around. And I felt really well respected by my boss, and I was given a lot of autonomy he was like, here's the goals. Go ahead and figure it out any way you want.
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Alison Cebulla: And so I felt really trusted and
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Alison Cebulla: and I also felt like I given that I had the autonomy to recruit volunteers, that I then ended up recruiting people that I really loved working with. So in that situation that was such a positive experience, even though it pro, I think it probably paid like $15 an hour, and it was maybe like
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Alison Cebulla: maybe 10 HA week. But I really I made a difference. You know, it really got me through a moment where I did need some part time work and treat, you know, being treated well and being trusted, went a long way for me.
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Alison Cebulla: Okay, we have a comment. I'm thinking about a time when I had that experience. But I still left due to money eventually. Yeah, probably stayed longer, due to positive culture, see? And so for those of you watching, wondering, you know, what can we do at our
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Alison Cebulla: at our place of employment.
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Alison Cebulla: It can make a difference between someone quitting now or someone quitting in a year or 2 years. So it really is something that we can have a sense of control over and it, and it will go a long way. And of course people will still leave if they have better opportunities.
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Alison Cebulla: But in addition to keeping employees longer, you're also building something that people really love, which is very meaningful.
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Alison Cebulla: So we can make changes that help employees feel better.
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Alison Cebulla: So my top 3 recommendations when I when I checked in well, what? What would I recommend?
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Alison Cebulla: Number one? I think we, I think all of us here today can agree with this one. You gotta fire sociopaths. You gotta fire them. You gotta fire them. Now.
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Alison Cebulla: people want to feel safe and sane. So I attached my each of my recommendations with a basic human need. Okay, people wanna feel safe and sane. And I put S safe and sane, not just safe. Because when you have a sociopath especially in the leadership role, people start to feel so insane because sociopaths will twist things and start crafting an alternate reality and accuse people. And
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Alison Cebulla: There's that acronym, Darvo. Let's see.
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Alison Cebulla: def
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Alison Cebulla: deflect and reverse the victim and the offender.
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Alison Cebulla: so they will actually, if you accuse them of doing something, they will just deflect it, and then reverse whoever whoever you said the victim and the offender was, they'll reverse them, and so pretty soon. You. Your sanity is just gone. It's just gone, and it takes a long time to recover from that.
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Alison Cebulla: So this is probably a number one thing, and I'm not like making that up. You know. There's there are so many studies that show that this is probably the best thing you can do for your workplace culture is, if you have a couple of people who don't care about how they make other people feel. You have just tanked your entire work culture.
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Alison Cebulla: So it's just could not be more important.
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Alison Cebulla: so number 2, structure
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Alison Cebulla: defined roles and tasks and regular program evaluations. And you want to communicate your wins. So people want to make an impact. And this is something that I have been learning in like
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Alison Cebulla: talking with social serve people and social services is that they're worried like I don't know that the work we're doing is matters, and that that will that will tank your morale
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Alison Cebulla: and your engagement. People feel like their work doesn't matter. Okay? And number 3 is that you wanna coach and train your managers and supervisors to meet the need of people wanting to feel seen and heard. And so if we can kind of think about what are people's basic needs, and how can we meet those we're gonna be able to engage and retain employees a lot longer.
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Alison Cebulla: So
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Alison Cebulla: in terms of firing your sociopaths, the action item is to conduct an employee assessment.
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Alison Cebulla: So I have done these.
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Alison Cebulla: When there was
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Alison Cebulla: thoughts that there could be someone toxic in leadership.
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Alison Cebulla: and I was brought in to do an employee assessment to see.
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Alison Cebulla: So it can be really helpful. And bringing in an outside consulting company. To do this can be, can feel a lot more safe for your employees. So this is a service that we at 10 collective offer. But essentially how it works is that all the employees are interviewed and
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Alison Cebulla: the consultancy can identify. If there are trends that emerge because toxic employees, people who are sociopathic or Machiavellian will try and
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Alison Cebulla: triangulate and manipulate. So sometimes it can be hard to know who's who's the actual toxic one that bringing in the right consultant can really help you identify?
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Alison Cebulla: We have a comment. I was just about to ask how we identify sociopaths when at a certain level of management, being a sociopath is a net positive attribute. Yeah, I mean, it depends with the company, I think for
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Alison Cebulla: businesses. It can be a lot harder, because that really is reinforced and valued at a business where you're making money selling things.
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Alison Cebulla: We tend to work more
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Alison Cebulla: with. And the people who watch our videos tend to be more government agencies and nonprofits who work with children and families. And so this tends to be something where it's not
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Alison Cebulla: as advantageous to be a sociopath, and certainly they're still getting a law out of it, still getting reinforcement for asking for more
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Alison Cebulla: power and leadership. We tend to like to reward that when people you know ask for, and take power, and and act in a way as if they
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Alison Cebulla: know everything and are better than everyone. But it's not quite. It's just not quite as valuable at a nonprofit or government agency as it would be if you were. You know the CEO of a large fortune. 500 company. So, yeah, there can be some differences.
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Alison Cebulla: Okay? So providing structure. So that's where
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Alison Cebulla: you know not. Everything that we do
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Alison Cebulla: for employees is necessarily like touchy feely. Sometimes it really is a matter of making sure that the structure is set up so that people feel safe, and they know what what we're doing, and when and why, and so
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Alison Cebulla: see
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Alison Cebulla: this again, you'd want to conduct an employee assessment which we can. We can help with at time collective. So, you know, does everyone have a job description that matches their daily tasks? Do employees know which decisions they can make on their own? Are the mission goals clearly communicated through a strategic action plan?
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Alison Cebulla: Is there someone like a project manager tracking the goals and tasks and keeping the team accountable. And so a additionally I had put on the previous slide. You wanna communicate your wins. So you need to evaluate your programs. And if you met your goals and you helped get people out.
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Alison Cebulla: you all need to celebrate that together. And people on the team need to know that that happened. If you don't have any goals, and then you don't communicate those goals, and that they and that your actions worked, you're gonna end up with really low morale. So that's so important.
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Alison Cebulla: So the 3rd one that we're going to practice today
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Alison Cebulla: that you want to train your managers and supervisors for emotion, motion and communication skills. So
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Alison Cebulla: this is also something that we that we offer. So we can train. We can train all employees, but especially it's important for managers and supervisors. I I've worked with many managers over the years that we're getting feedback, that they were not good managers. They weren't valuing their people. They kept having conflicts, people that they manage kept quitting.
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Alison Cebulla: And it's really all learnable. You can. You can learn all this stuff, and it's not that hard, but it does take some effort, and some time.
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Alison Cebulla: and then pretty soon you will have employees that love working with you. So this is such a good investment. And then you're not going to be losing money, having people leave all the time.
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Alison Cebulla: So one of my favorite. I just wanted to teach. There's a million different skills that we could work on. But this one. The thing is, even if you've already learned this for me in another workshop, or you've already learned it somewhere else, and you've practiced it. We can always practice it again and come back to this again. So
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Alison Cebulla: I love that. The question is to start is, how can I make life more wonderful?
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Alison Cebulla: And it's just such a wonderful question to start with. What? What do I need in order to make my life more wonderful? And especially, what can I ask for help with?
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Alison Cebulla: So
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Alison Cebulla: we're gonna practice nonviolent communication. And so it's it's a practice that helps us clarify what we're observing, what emotions we're feeling, what values we want to live by and what we want to ask of ourselves and others, so we no longer need to use the language of blame, judgment, or domination. We can experience the deep pleasure of contributing to each other's wellbeing.
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Alison Cebulla: So
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Alison Cebulla: It has lots of applications. And who here has done this before?
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Alison Cebulla: Lauren? You've done it, Danielle Kyle.
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Alison Cebulla: So this was founded by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg. He grew up in an inner city neighborhood in Detroit, and he was confronted with various forms of violence, and so he started to really ask some
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Alison Cebulla: questions about why this was occurring and what could be done about it. And so this is what came out of the work he was doing in civil rights activism in the early 60. S.
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Alison Cebulla: I'm not. I'm interested in learning that's motivated by reverence for life that's motivated by a desire to learn skills.
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Alison Cebulla: to learn new things that help us to better contribute to our own wellbeing and the wellbeing of others. And what fills me with the greatest sadness. Is any learning that I see motivated by coercion. So he's been a big inspiration to the way I think and see the world. And you know, I, we have another webinar up that I taught about moving away from coercive work environments and how to build consent based work environments so definitely, very inspired by his ideas.
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Alison Cebulla: So let's see if we have
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Alison Cebulla: enough time.
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Alison Cebulla: Yeah, let's if this is a really helpful video, it just does such a good job of breaking down how to use this in the workplace. So I think we'll. I think it's 5 min, so we'll go ahead and watch it. Then we'll practice
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Alison Cebulla: We'll practice this, and then we'll wrap up.
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Alison Cebulla: Oh, wait!
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Alison Cebulla: I didn't press the
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Alison Cebulla: the the one tiny small button that you have to press in order to share sound
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Alison Cebulla: comes from Marshall Rosenberg and his pioneering book, nonviolent communication.
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Alison Cebulla: As always, we hope we can inspire you, help you grow your mind, and motivate you to be the best you
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Alison Cebulla: in the book. Rosenberg shares with us a better way of communicating with others. He calls it non-violent communication, a language of life.
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Alison Cebulla: Communication is a fundamental building block of everyday life. If we want to function well in society, we need to learn to communicate effectively with the people surrounding us.
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Alison Cebulla: Often, when we communicate with others, irrational conflicts and misunderstandings arise, and we end up leaving conversations feeling disregarded or in despair.
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Alison Cebulla: This is where nonviolent communication enters the stage.
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Alison Cebulla: At its core is the belief that all human beings have the capacity for compassion and empathy.
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Alison Cebulla: We only resort to harmful behavior when we don't identify more effective strategies.
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Alison Cebulla: The purpose of nonviolent communication is to help us connect with ourselves and others in a way that makes compassionate. Given natural.
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Alison Cebulla: it is not about convincing people to do what we want, but to create a connection with another person where everyone's needs are met.
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Alison Cebulla: Nonviolent communication is a way to resolve differences peacefully.
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Alison Cebulla: It is all about empathetical listening and honest expressing.
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Alison Cebulla: It teaches us to understand and express our feelings, and to hear our own deeper needs and those of others.
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Alison Cebulla: It evolves around 2 fundamental questions.
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Alison Cebulla: number one, what is alive at you?
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Alison Cebulla: Or put another way, what are you feeling?
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Alison Cebulla: Number 2?
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Alison Cebulla: What would make your life more wonderful?
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Alison Cebulla: Meaning? What unfulfilled needs do you have that I can help you meet?
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Alison Cebulla: It seems straightforward, but expressing emotions and needs is not easy.
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Alison Cebulla: Many of us have never learned to acknowledge our own feelings.
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Alison Cebulla: We have grown up being told. Things like boys aren't scared, or girls shouldn't get angry, and as a result, many people hide how they actually feel even from themselves. Nonviolent communication helps us to communicate our feelings. Clearly
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Alison Cebulla: nonviolent communication distinguishes between real expression of emotions and statements which are, in fact, descriptions of what we are thinking, not what we are feeling.
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Alison Cebulla: Let us give you a couple of examples where people think they are expressing a feeling, when, in fact, they are expressing an opinion, a criticism, or a moral judgment
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Alison Cebulla: number one when I feel is followed by that like, or as if.
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Alison Cebulla: for example, I feel like you should know better.
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Alison Cebulla: Number 2 when I feel is used together with pronouns. For example, I feel I am constantly working.
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Alison Cebulla: Number 3. When I feel is used with names or nouns.
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Alison Cebulla: For example, referring to people. I feel Amy has acted irresponsibly.
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Alison Cebulla: None of these statements is actually letting the other person know what you are feeling.
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Alison Cebulla: Instead, you should simply name the emotion you are feeling without any judgment.
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Alison Cebulla: For example, I feel sad because
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Alison Cebulla: or I feel angry since, and so on.
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Alison Cebulla: Expressing our feelings clearly is very important. But we need to also express the need behind the feeling by making a clear request of what we want from the other person.
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Alison Cebulla: Judgments, criticisms, and interpretations of others are all estranged expressions of our needs.
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Alison Cebulla: and when we use them we imply that the person in front of us is behaving wrongly, when, in fact we all know is that the person isn't acting according to our beliefs and values. If someone says you never listen to me, it is them telling you that their need to be heard is not being met.
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Alison Cebulla: but because the statement is made as a judgment, the recipient is likely to hear criticism
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Alison Cebulla: and criticism often leads to self-defense and counter-attacking. Instead of understanding
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Alison Cebulla: the more directly we can connect our feelings and our needs, the easier it is for others to respond compassionately.
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Alison Cebulla: So focus on your own needs instead of on what is wrong with others.
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Alison Cebulla: Imagine an interaction between 2 colleagues, Allen and Bart.
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Alison Cebulla: They have a meeting scheduled for one Pm.
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Alison Cebulla: Alan arrives to the meeting on time.
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Alison Cebulla: Bart, however, doesn't arrive until 1 15 PM. Leaving Alan frustrated
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Alison Cebulla: as soon as Bart enters the room, Alan blurts out. It is really annoying that you are always late for meetings. You are an irresponsible person.
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Alison Cebulla: If Alan was familiar with nonviolent communication. The conversation could go like this. Instead.
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Alison Cebulla: I feel angry because you are late.
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Alison Cebulla: I would like to start the meeting on time, since it will otherwise disrupt my calendar for the rest of the day.
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Alison Cebulla: Can I please ask you to be on time for our next meeting?
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Alison Cebulla: Nonviolent communication also teaches us that we cannot be responsible for each other's feelings. But we can be responsible for how we choose to react.
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Alison Cebulla: Let's end the video with a tip on how to best express our needs
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Alison Cebulla: instead of expressing our needs with a kick. Me attitude that implies that they are a burden. Rosenberg suggests that we use a Santa Claus attitude showing the world that our needs are a precious gift.
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Alison Cebulla: We hope you have enjoyed this video on Marshall Rosenberg's nonviolent communication.
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Alison Cebulla: Please remember to give.
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Alison Cebulla: So that's I really like the example they use of. You know how. That's how that can be used at work, because
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Alison Cebulla: we can get to be pretty, passive, aggressive, or just, aggressive, aggressive at work instead of communicating our needs. And our feelings. Hi, everyone! And welcome to this.
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Alison Cebulla: So
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Alison Cebulla: The the 4 steps are that you have an observation, then you share a feeling, then you share your need, and then you share your request. So in the example that they gave
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Alison Cebulla: the observation would be, hey? Notice that you've been late for our meetings 3 times in a row, and I think it's important to also note that you don't want to use like, oh, like, you're always late, is. It's really important to be specific and to keep things in the present. Hey? Notice that today you were late or you were late today, and you were late yesterday.
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Alison Cebulla: Then you share your feeling.
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Alison Cebulla: which
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Alison Cebulla: I know I put the feelings wheel on here somewhere. So this feelings wheel feelings wheel com really helps. So you could say, I feel over here in the angry column. There's district. I feel disrespected, and violated and angry.
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Alison Cebulla: I'm
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Alison Cebulla: and you know, whatever whatever may be coming up for you.
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Alison Cebulla: So
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Alison Cebulla: that's the second part.
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Alison Cebulla: the need would be. I have a need to start our meetings on time.
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Alison Cebulla: because I, typically, you know, keep my calendar pretty full. And so you typically have something to do afterward, and I really would like to start on time.
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Alison Cebulla: And then your request. Do you think that you could show up to the meetings
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Alison Cebulla: on time? Or do we need to make some sort of different different change that will help me meet my needs? And so when you share a feeling. The thing about it that's different is that people can't really disagree with a feeling it's really based in that connection. It's not ex. It's not exactly based on like, well, I need to be right, or you need to be right. It's like, I'm having an emotional experience that's human.
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Alison Cebulla: I'm sure that you want to be able to feel compassionate for me, and I'm going to give you the opportunity to feel compassionate. I'm going to give you the opportunity to potentially meet my need and to demonstrate that you care about my needs. You find yourself with a lot of people in your life where you give them the opportunity to care about how you're feeling and how their actions make you feel, and you find that they don't care.
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Alison Cebulla: Then it's probably time to leave some of these environments for some of these people.
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Alison Cebulla: So what I love about this technique is that you're giving people the opportunity to demonstrate that they care about you.
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Alison Cebulla: So
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Alison Cebulla: here's the formula.
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Alison Cebulla: When I see that blank happens, I feel blank
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Alison Cebulla: because my need for blank is not met or is met. Would you be willing to.
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Alison Cebulla: So that's the that's the
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Alison Cebulla: that's the formula.
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Alison Cebulla: I I have this example. I did use this in a professional setting. In grad school. We all had to take a leadership class. A lot of people hated the class, but for me in particular, I had been working as a leadership coach for many years, and I knew that that this class wasn't a good use of my time. So when I talked to administrators, instead of saying, this is lame. I hate this. This class is stupid, in which they would have reacted defensively, and I would not have received what I needed.
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Alison Cebulla: I said, I I thought long and hard about which need of mine wasn't being met. And I said, This isn't meeting my need to feel challenged. So I gave them the opportunity to meet my needs, and they actually stepped up and they gave me instead of taking the class with the instructor, I got to have a special mentorship program with that instructor, and I ended up designing curriculum about interpersonal communication in
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Alison Cebulla: different
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Alison Cebulla: different
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Alison Cebulla: situations related to microaggressions at work, and they actually ended up teaching the curriculum in the class. So I got to feel challenged, and they also benefited as well from my work. So we all got to win.
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Alison Cebulla: So
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Alison Cebulla: people care about us want to help us meet our needs
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Alison Cebulla: so you can go ahead and share in the chat some other ways that this might be helpful in a professional setting. If you can think of any.
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Alison Cebulla: And we have a comment. Nonviolent principles are part of the Avp program alternatives to violence. Oh, okay, that's that's great. I love all the
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Alison Cebulla: nonviolent training programs. I want to take them all.
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Alison Cebulla: So we're gonna do a short activity. I hope you all will be game. I I will not be sharing this part of the the recording, so I will edit this out.
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Alison Cebulla: So what I'm gonna do is put us into 2 breakout rooms
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Alison Cebulla: and we will get to practice this because embody learning. That's how we're that's how we actually, you know, have these tools
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Alison Cebulla: available when we need them. So
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Alison Cebulla: let's do
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Alison Cebulla: 2 breakout rooms. If you need to write this down or take a screenshot
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Alison Cebulla: go ahead and do that now.
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Alison Cebulla: or take a picture with your phone.
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Alison Cebulla: and then we'll just do this for 5 min, and then we'll come back and discuss, and then
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Alison Cebulla: and then that's it. But this tool, I have to say, has been one of the most valuable things I've ever learned for work. I have used it over and over, and over, and over and over again at work, and it has only brought me wonderful, made my life more wonderful. Essentially, every time I've used it. So okay, let's do it. 5 min. I I have the timer going, and then we'll we'll meet back. Okay.
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Lauren Forsell: Do we get put in the breakout room again.
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Kyle Kimball: I I think so.
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Kyle Kimball: or maybe they close the other room, and this is the only one that remains.
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Lauren Forsell: Oh, never mind!
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Alison Cebulla: Mom, I I put you in there. I meant to put you in my room with me and Danielle and I totally accidentally put you in Kyle larger. So sorry if that was confusing.
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Alison Cebulla: so how was that?
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Lauren Forsell: I like that. That was good. I kinda forgot about that little template.
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Alison Cebulla: It's that's why I was like, even if people have done this with me before. There, I feel like there's never enough practice that we can have.
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Lauren Forsell: I agree.
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Alison Cebulla: So we're right at time. But really, really quick.
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Alison Cebulla: You know, if you're a manager, you just want to make sure that you offer this to your employees at regular intervals.
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Alison Cebulla: You want to make sure you take time for empathy, because it's really a practice. It's not right. We forget we forget to do it. This was a great article that just came out yesterday that Brie shared with me care washing so check that out.
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Alison Cebulla: and we can help, as I said, with all of these things. So you know, really think about hiring us for assessments, manager coaching development training. We can do all of it. And we include Dei in all of our offerings.
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Alison Cebulla: And so we believe in creating caring workplaces. That's from a different deck. But here's
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Alison Cebulla: additional resources that I think are really helpful. Which is this book called what everybody is Saying on How to Read Body Language. This book was like life changing for me. The nonviolent communication book is amazing. Highly recommend it. And then this course I took back when I was managing a nonprofit in my late twenties. I had, you know, hardly any skills.
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Alison Cebulla: and they said you need to do better. So I signed up for this free class on Courier. And I learned so much, so inspiring leadership through emotional intelligence, so highly recommend that one.
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Alison Cebulla: So yeah, consider reaching out to us about how we can help your organization. We would love to help and thank you so much for attending today, and all of your engagement
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Alison Cebulla: and
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Alison Cebulla: sharing so much.
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Alison Cebulla: If I can figure out how to stop the recording.
